The Matthew 18 Principle for Solving School Conflicts

A Christian school is made up of people—parents, administrators, teachers, and students. Like any other collection of people, the people associated with a Christian school have the potential for misunderstanding, disagreement, and even wrongdoing. Nevertheless, it is God’s will that we live and work together in harmony. Jesus said, “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:34-35

Due to our human nature, we may at times irritate each other, resulting in misunderstandings or strong disagreements. In Matthew 18:15-17a, Jesus gives His formula for solving person-to-person problems. In the words of Jesus, “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church.”

There are several clear principles that Jesus taught in solving people-to-people problems:

Keep the matter confidential. The pattern of sharing the problem only with those directly involved establishes the principle of confidentiality. The Bible has much to say about those who gossip or malign others with their words. “A hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbor; but through knowledge the just shall be delivered.” Proverbs 11:9

Keep the circle small. “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out his offense . . . .” The first step and most often the only stop needed in solving a person-to person problem is for one of the two people involved to initiate face-to-face dialogue. Most problems are solved at the two-people level.

Be straightforward. “Tell him his fault.” Jesus tells us to be forthright and to love honestly. Sometimes it is difficult to be straightforward and tell someone the very heart of the matter. But restoration and improvement can only come when the issues are lovingly, yet clearly, presented. The Scripture says “Faithful are the wounds of a friend . . . .” Proverbs 27:6

Be Forgiving. “If he shall hear you, you have gained your brother.” This implies that once the matter is resolved, we should wholeheartedly forgive and restore the person whose fault has offended us. Galatians 6:1 reads, “Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.” Most school problems are resolved at the two-people level. Forgiveness and restoration is the normal conclusion. But what is the next step in the Matthew 18 principle if the individual will not “hear” you, or openly disagrees with your version of the problem?

Example: A parent of a student in a Christian school is unhappy with a teacher because he believes the child is being treated unfairly in the classroom. The parent and the teacher have met and talked together and the parent is not satisfied with the outcome of the discussion. What is the next step in the Matthew 18 principle?

One: Parent and Teacher agree to meet with an administrator. When a parent continually meets with the teacher and it becomes apparent to the teacher that the issue cannot be resolved, he/she will encourage and help the parent to set up a meeting with administration to find resolution to the issue. The parent and teacher should agree to go together to share the matter with a school administrator. At this stage the counsel of Jesus would be, “Take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.” Both parent and teacher should be prepared to share their version of the issue with the school’s administration. Each person should come to the meeting in a spirit of prayer and humility, willing to submit to reproof and correction if needed. Those of us who bear the name of Christ should joyfully conform to the will of Christ. An open and honest discussion among people who are sensitive to godly principles will most often reach an amiable solution.

Two: Seek Pastoral Remediation. If the administrator, teacher, and parent are not able to come to an agreement, a meeting should be scheduled for all of them together to meet with the Pastor. At this point we begin to define the ongoing problem, identify creative and helpful approaches to resolution, and track and evaluate the progress we make towards those ends. A remediation process is put in place, which involves a plan to help the school, student, and the parents work in harmony to succeed together.

The remediation plan should include:

A definition of the problem.
Define any processes that we can do as a school to fulfill our side of the issue.
Define any processes that the family can do to fulfill their side of the issue.
Concrete steps of what each party will do to assure a positive outcome.
Establish a follow up meeting 30 days +/- to evaluate the process of the plan.*

Plan evaluation

If the plan has been followed by all parties and there are positive results stemming from the plan we will agree to keep positive communication lines open for ongoing discussion and interaction, affirming again that it is our desire to see everyone succeed.
If the plan has failed to bring about positive results despite each party having done everything as agreed, but the family has not found this to be acceptable or they have not fulfilled their end of the remediation plan, or the proposed solution didn’t work, we move to the last stage of the remediation process.
Additional meeting: At the Remediation Plan Evaluation meeting, if there has been no change of standing, and there is continued disagreement as to processes and rules, or the family has been unwilling to uphold their responsibilities concerning the remediation plan, the family will be informed of the inability for the school and family to work toward a place of harmony with one another.

This discussion must be based on the recognition that up to this point we have been unable to find a workable solution. We will attempt to change and adapt the remediation plan one more time and establish a plan of healing the situation. The family will also be made aware that if at the next meeting, 30 days from this meeting, there has not been progress made on the remediation plan the family will be asked to leave the school as it will be obvious at that point that we are at an impasse. We will make sure that all parties understand this, so at the follow up meeting if there is no progress all parties will be clear.

Following this meeting there will be the final evaluation. At this time we will understand whether or not a workable solution can be found. If so, we will rejoice and continue in the spirit of working together toward the future. If not, we will at this point have sufficiently extended help and assistance toward resolution and will have reached the conclusion that it is not possible for enrollment to be continued at the school.

Most school problems are solved at the two-people level. A small percent are solved at the three-and four-people level, which includes the school’s administration. The last level of resolution is the level of the school board. The board represents the church or church community. What is the next step in the Matthew 18 principle if the problem still persists after seeking pastoral remediation?

Three: Seek the help of the School Board. The parent should fill out the grievance form detailing the conflict, the steps that have been taken to solve it, and the desired positive outcome. This form should be submitted to the School Board Chairman, who will inform the School Administrator and discuss the facts and circumstances of the grievance form with the School Administrator. The Chairman will discuss the matter with the School Board and the School Board will decide how the board will respond, either in a letter or in a meeting. Depending on the complexity of the problem, it may be appropriate for the Board Chairman to request that all persons involved be present at a school board meeting. The goal of such a high-level meeting is 1) a clear understanding of the problem; 2) solving the problem; 3) reproof and correction if necessary: and 4) forgiveness and wholehearted restoration of those who have made amends.

In summary, the Matthew 18 Principle requires that parents talk to teachers about student problems before they talk to administrators. If unresolved at the two-people level, the matter is prayerfully and in an orderly fashion moved upward in the school organizational structure. This is the Lord’s way of solving people-to-people problems. A Christian school is a ministry in Christ’s name. Everything that is done in the context of the school must be done Christ’s way. The world’s methods of solving school problems are inappropriate. The idea of suing the school or persons in the school is a secular idea that has no place in the Lord’s work. The Bible is clear on this. “Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unjust, and not before the saints?” 1 Corinthians 6:1 Satan would like to destroy the normal flow of harmony and good fellowship in Christian school education. That is not possible if all of us follow the Matthew 18 principle of solving school problems.
Summary of the steps to take to resolve a conflict:

Parent and Teacher
Parent, Teacher, and Administrator
Parent, Teacher, Administrator and Pastor
Parent, Teacher, Administrator, Pastor, Board

Source: Paraphrased from Dr. Paul A. Kienel, Former president, Association of Christian Schools International